Just My Imagination (Running Away with Me)

So, I have to say, I have some off-the-wall dreams! I mean, very vivid, imaginative, real dreams. Take last night for instance. I had a dream that my world was full of Simpson characters. Marge, Homer, Lisa and Bart were there, but the rest of the people were family and friends, but in Simpson character form. It was like I was actually living in a cartoon world! Weird. AND we were in the 1800s around the manifest-destiny era, when the white man overtook the Natives land and forced them into reservations. But it wasn't politically charged, it was just life during that era. It appeared we were all living in Montana and I was the school teacher. In any case, a very weird dream.

But my imagination never ceases to amaze me. Maybe I'm just overly creative and emotional, but I always have vivid dreams just as I am waking up, and a lot of times I'll wake up mad, angry or sad because the dream seemed so real! For instance, I had a dream earlier this week that my Dad died and at the funeral, everyone had a significant other to comfort them besides me. And I remember waking up crying because my Dad was dead and because D wasn't there (he did NOT have a good reason for not appearing in my dream). That kind of thing happens more often than not, and I am usually emotionally shaken by the events. I was upset with D that whole day because of what he did (or in this case didn't) do in my dream! It's like that Ben Folds song, Trusted: "The sun's coming up she's pulled all the blankets over/Curled in a ball like she's hiding from me and/That's when I know she's gonna be pissed when she wakes up/For terrible things I did to her in her dreams."

Most of all, I wish I could capture some of these dreams on paper, because they would make some great stories. Alas, by the time I wake myself up, the details have become hazy and I can't remember why it was such an amazing story, just that it was. Maybe as my second career I can tap into my creative genius and publish some of these stories. In high school, I used to do a lot of creative writing and story-telling. Maybe this is my creative genius telling me that it's time to start again!

And So It Goes

It's been another one of those weeks, a hard one where I've been struggling to come to resolution. I've been tooling around with the idea of moving back to Canada to be with D. And it's been hard, since I love my job and my friends and I don't really want to be that far away from my parents and sister. The crazy thing is that I really want to be in control of the situation and the more I try to control it, the more out of control it gets.

I have to give props to my friend Andy, who gave me some great advice in church today. He said that sometimes God just wants us to grow up and make our own decisions. And I think that's true. I moved to DC on a whim, knowing God wanted me here but not sure for what purpose. After four years of searching and developing a strong relationship, maybe this is it. My big-girl test where I strike out on my own. What is the most important thing? Stay where I'm comfortable, where I know what will happen. Or do I move where the career and future is uncertain, but the person I'd be moving for is everything I ever dreamed for. I am probably making a bigger deal of this than I should. Sometimes my head just gets in the way and I wish it would just SHUT UP already!

Excited About Work?

Well, it has been a crazy couple of weeks. But exhilarating, because I am doing exactly what I want to be doing. Last week was press week, meaning I had to edit and finish writing all the content for the next issue of my magazine, Volta Voices. The week was full of long hours and scrambling, because our cover story pulled out at the last minute. Besides the rage about that, the scramble proved to be a lot of fun. I've never really been interested in quick, last-minute deadlines, but every so often the pressure of a looming deadline really appeals to me. I would have never chose to be writing a new cover story three days before the press deadline. But at the end of the week, I was glad the opportunity presented itself. It proved that I absolutely love the editorial life. Editing, writing, working with other writers, coming up with design concepts, all really fun. I'm so grateful that I have found my career calling and am able to be successful.

I worry, though, because I am planning a move to an area where this kind of work is under appreciated. In addition, a new country means new vernacular that I'm not used to. How can I maintain this level of success when I feel I am starting from square one? One of the things I think I can do to help prepare is brush up on my corporate communication skills. Press releases, policy writing, etc. I hate that stuff. But it's something I'm going to have to force myself to do to help prepare. I'm not sure why I'm so worried, but I hate being blindsided by things I can't control and, even worse, things I COULD control and didn't see coming.

So, to force self-improvement upon myself, I am heading back to the job boards. I am looking for work, part-time freelance stuff, that can supplement my portfolio and help me improve my writing skills. Hopefully, the transition when I leave my current job will be quick and painless.

I Think I Have a Problem

I think I have a problem... I might be a stalker. Ok, "might" is the wrong word. I AM a stalker! And chances are, you've been my victim more than once. It's just so easy! I log on to Facebook/MySpace/LinkedIn/Twitter and with two or three clicks, I can see pictures of you and your friends' friends' friends, what your doing and what you have been doing and check to see what you will be doing later. I do this at all hours of the day and night... You know this sounds creepy, but you can't help but agree that YOU DO IT TOO!

It's actually funny if you think about it. Rather then engage in meaningful conversation over the phone or in person over drinks or dinner, most of us would rather log on to a social networking site to get our friend-fill for the day. Or find out the goods about an occasional acquaintance to share with your friends who know him/her. I am not lecturing, I am guilty as sin. But it's still a little funny to see how social networking can take over our lives. It's a paradigm shift, we talk about it all the time. Right now, I am in charge of my company's Facebook and Twitter sites. I spend close to half a day doing this...which may not be a good thing to write if my boss sees this. But it's a vicious cycle. Even if I log on to post something quick, I am sucked into checking out the group's contacts and links, then I think I need to check my personal accounts and it keeps on going.

Am I alone in this? Please tell me no. I understand that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, but who wants to stop when it feels so good? ;)

Living Each Day to the Fullest

Bea Arthur died today. I know, I know. This seems like a random thing for me to post about. But I was pretty upset when I heard the news! I mean, Bea Arthur. She was an incredible woman. True, I did not know her personally. But look at what she accomplished! When I was in college, I took a women in the media class as part of my journalism degree. And when you look back at how women were portrayed in Bea Arthur's day, you realize that she was truly a pioneer who opened doors and changed the way media looked at a woman's role on TV. And don't even get my started on the Golden Girls! That show was awesome and, I admit it, one of my favorites. Although I still don't understand why certain individuals insisted on calling me Rose...

But back to the topic at hand. Death has always been a bit of an abstract thought to me. Even when loved ones and friends close to me passed away, it was always odd because I never really cried. Tears were shed, but overwhelming sobs eluded me. I mean, I was upset and all (I'm not a robot), but I always find myself thinking, "they lived a good life." Young or old, they did. I don't want to diminish what they weren't able to accomplish, but shouldn't that be what we strive for everyday? To do the very best we can and live each day to it's possible fullest?

I'll probably never do everything I want to do, and I'll never do everything I should do. There will be days when I don't do a whole lot. I won't cure cancer or AIDs, or negotiate peace in the middle east. But I'm not talking about the big things, I'm talking about the little ones. Letting someone in front of me on the highway, waiting patiently for those darn DC tourists to cross the street or even just letting someone chat my ear off because she really needed to get it off her chest. I try each day to live as well as I can and I try not to let opportunities pass me by. And, when the day comes for me to leave this earth, I can only pray that everyone at my funeral is thinking the same thing: "She lived a good life."

Trying Something New

Rather than keeping my random thoughts to myself and my paper journal, I thought I'd try this on for size. I may still be keeping my random thoughts to myself, now that I think about it. Who's going to read this thing!?!